


Green Eyes or Bowties

by funidontlikeyoueither



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Blaine Friendly, Break Up, Childhood Friends, Endgame Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, Kurt Hummel & Sebastian Smythe Friendship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29406471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funidontlikeyoueither/pseuds/funidontlikeyoueither
Summary: When Kurt's ex-boyfriend and childhood best friend, Sebastian Smythe, returns to Ohio, he has to decide between getting back together with Sebastian, or staying with his current boyfriend, Blaine Anderson.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 26





	Green Eyes or Bowties

**Author's Note:**

> soo this fic is set mostly post-season 2 and pre-season 3
> 
> this will have short chapters because im very exhausted rn
> 
> also half of this fic is set during the summer of s2 while the other is flashbacks 
> 
> enjoy

“I love you.”

Kurt stared at Blaine. Those were the words he had wanted to hear for so long, the words that no one had said to him since Sebastian. And it was those stupid three words that made Kurt panic. He had thought that having someone love him would have helped him move on, helped him forget about Sebastian. But now, after hearing them, Sebastian was on his mind more than ever. Kurt was sure that if he did try to speak, all he would be able to say would be Sebastian’s name.

So, he didn’t speak. He continued to look at Blaine until it occurred to him that he would eventually have to reply. He couldn’t leave Blaine hanging. But what was he supposed to say? That he didn’t feel the same? That would break Blaine’s heart, and Kurt didn’t want to do that. He did like Blaine; he had liked him for a long time. Of course, the feelings weren’t as strong as they had been for Sebastian, but he doubted that he would ever feel that way again. Blaine was good; Blaine deserved someone who loved him. And that wasn’t Kurt.

But Blaine had so much love in his eyes and Kurt _hated_ that he couldn’t return it. So, he lied.

He swallowed his coffee and said, “I love you, too.”

Blaine didn’t even react, he just continued smiling and staring, the look that had once managed to make Kurt’s heart skip a beat. That feeling had never gone away when he was with Sebastian.

 _Stop thinking about Sebastian_ , he told himself. _He left you. Get over him. You have an amazing guy sitting in front of you. Appreciate him; he would never abandon you like Sebastian did._

“You know, when you stop and think about it,” Kurt said, “Kurt Hummel has had a pretty good year.” It was true, this had been one of his better years. Especially compared to the beginning of last year. This year had been good, with his father’s heart attack and the death threat and the death of Pavarotti aside. He looked behind Blaine and almost sighed in relief. Mercedes and Sam. “Oh, look who’s here,” he exclaimed. 

“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” Blaine asked, turning around.

“Uh, nothing. Just, uh, getting a coffee,” Sam stuttered.

“We ran into each other in the parking lot,” Mercedes said.

“We’re on our way to get some sheet music,” Blaine told them. “Tomorrow’s my audition for the summer show at Six Flags.”

“Oh, sorry, I have to go,” Kurt said. He stood up before he could think. “I, um, have to help my dad out with something.”

Blaine looked taken aback. “Oh, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Kurt nodded. “I- I have to go,” he repeated. He felt incapable of saying anything else. He walked out of the Lima Bean. He looked in through the window, saw Blaine sitting alone, then got in the car and drove to his dad’s shop.

“Hey, Dad,” Kurt said as he walked inside.

“Talk or cash?” his dad asked, meaning if Kurt was there to talk or earn money.

“Talk.”

“Well, take a seat. What’s up, kid?”

Kurt sat down next to his dad and sighed. “Blaine told me he loved me.”

“And?”

“I said it back, though I didn’t mean it. And I feel horrible.”

“Why did you say it?”

“I feel like he deserved to hear it. And I do really like him and I think I could love him. It’s just too soon and I didn’t want to disappoint him.”

“Well, tell him that.”

Kurt frowned. “You mean, I should tell him I don’t love him?”

“I’m sayin’ that you should be honest with him. Lyin’ don’t get you nowhere, Kurt.”

Kurt bit his lip. “You’re right.”

“What else is botherin’ you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know my son.”

Kurt felt himself tear up. “I started thinking about Sebastian again.”

“You say that like you ever stopped.”

“I know but,” he took a deep breath, “it feels like I’m hurting him somehow. Like moving on is betraying him.”

Burt stared at him. “Hang on, you told me nothin’ happened between you two.”

“I did?”

“Remember? After he left, you were real upset, and I asked if you were more than friends.”

“Oh, yeah.” Kurt blushed. “I didn’t… I hadn’t told you I was gay then and telling you about me and Sebastian would have meant… Sorry.”

“It’s alright, kid.” Burt patted Kurt’s knee. “Wanna tell me what went on between you two?”

“We loved each other and he left me.”

“He didn’t have a choice.”

“He did-”

“Kurt.” Burt’s tone was sharp. “We’ve been over this; you can’t hold it against him no more. It was his parent’s choice to leave.”

“He could have stayed with me if he wanted to.”

Burt shook his head. “Go home, Kurt. You’re upset, we’ll discuss this later.”

Kurt stood up. “There’s nothing to discuss,” he muttered before leaving the shop.

He went to his car and began the drive home. He knew that his dad was right; he had no reason to blame Sebastian for leaving. But it was so much easier to be mad at him than to miss him.

“But I do miss him,” Kurt said to himself. “I’ve always missed him. That’s never going to change.”

He went into his house and passed Finn on his way to his room. Finn stopped him in the hallway.

“What’s up, dude?” he asked. “You seem upset.”

Kurt pushed past him and continued going to his room.

“Kurt? You’re not giving me silent treatment over Nationals, are you?”

Kurt sighed. “No, I’m just not in the mood to talk.”

“You alright?”

“I’m fine. I just need to lay down.” Kurt went into his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed. He stopped thinking about Sebastian and focused on the difficult conversation he was going to have with Blaine. It would probably be best to do it sooner rather than later, and to do it in person, too. He already knew that he wasn’t going to tell his boyfriend about Sebastian, there was no point; Sebastian was gone. _And he isn’t coming back_ , Kurt added in his head.

* * *

Kurt sat down at the table, his Lima Bean coffee still in his hand. He played with the lid of it to calm his nerves. Blaine was in the bathroom and it was killing Kurt to wait for him to come back. There was a tap on his shoulder and Kurt jumped.

“Sorry, did I scare you?” Blaine asked, his tone teasing. “The line was too long, I’ll go later.”

“Okay, cool.” Kurt took a sip of his drink and started to tap his foot.

“So, another date? What did I do to deserve all of this Kurt time, huh? Are we going to celebrate my audition?”

Kurt smiled. “I, uh, wanted to talk to you. About something you said yesterday.” He looked down at the table. “When you said you loved me.”

“You said it back.” Blaine chuckled nervously.

“I did. And I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean? Are you saying that you _don’t_ love me?”

“Not yet, at least. I shouldn’t have said that I did.”

“Why did you?”

Kurt shrugged. “I thought it was what you deserved. I couldn’t stand the idea of upsetting you. You should have someone who can love you back, and that isn’t me.”

Blaine reached across the table and took Kurt’s hand. “I still want to be with you, Kurt. I _do_ love you, and it’s okay if you aren’t there yet. I’m not going to pressure you into saying it back.”

Kurt offered him a small smile. “Okay, good. Because I _really_ like you. But…”

“But?”

Kurt shook his head. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

* * *

Guilt still filled him. Why, though, Kurt wasn’t sure of. He had thought that he would feel better after he had told Blaine the truth, but he didn’t. Sebastian was on his mind again.

 _Has Sebastian moved on from me?_ Kurt wondered as he tried to focus on the movie he was watching with Finn. _Is he seeing someone new? Does he still love me? Does he even remember me?_

“Kurt?”

Kurt came out of his thoughts and looked at Finn. “Hm?”

“I asked you if you were feeling better,” Finn told him. “You looked upset again, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking of someone.”

“Your mom?”

“No, just this boy I used to know. He- He moved away and I just remembered him.”

Finn was quiet for a minute before he hesitantly asked, “Did… you guys, you know… date?”

“No!” Kurt snapped. Deep breath, then he added, “Yes, we did.”

“How long?”

“A few years.”

“Does Blaine know?”

Kurt didn’t respond, knowing he would just earn himself a lecture from Finn. He didn’t have to tell Blaine about Sebastian. Sebastian was gone, he wasn’t coming back. Maybe he would tell Blaine that he does have an ex-boyfriend one day if it ever came up, but until then, there was no point. It would only lead to unnecessary jealousy. And Kurt knew all too well how cruel jealousy could be. It would just lead to resentment.

“Did you love him?” Finn asked when his last question went unanswered.

“Yes.” _I still do. So, so much_ , Kurt added in his head.

“Then why aren’t you together?”

“Because he had to move away,” Kurt said.

“Oh.” Finn thought for a minute. “If it was Rachel, I would have gone after her.”

 _I couldn’t have gone after him_ , Kurt thought. _I had to stay with my dad. But Dad has Finn and Carole now… They wouldn’t miss me for a summer._ He left the living room.

“Kurt?” Finn called after him.

Kurt ignored him and went upstairs to his bedroom. “Okay,” he said to himself. “What do I need for Paris?” He packed a few outfits, his toothbrush, facial products, and some cash into his old backpack. He went back downstairs and was met with Finn’s worried face.

“Dude, what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“I’m going to Paris.”

“What?”

“I have to see him, Finn,” Kurt said. “I need closure, I need to say goodbye. I can’t be with Blaine until I do.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Kurt walked past him to the front door.

“Kurt!” Finn exclaimed. “Stop it. What am I supposed to tell Burt?”

Kurt hesitated at the door. “I don’t know. I’ll handle it later. I have to go.” He left the house and drove to the airport.

His phone continued ringing the entire drive. Kurt assumed it was Finn, trying to talk some sense into him. He ignored the calls and got out of his car. “I’m coming, Bas,” he whispered to himself.

His phone rang again.

He groaned and answered it. “What, Finn?!”

“ _I’m not Finn._ ”

“Oh. Blaine. Hey. What’s up?”

“ _I was just wondering if you wanted to come to dinner tomorrow. Are you okay?_ ”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” _What am I doing? This is crazy_ , he thought. “I’ll be there. I promise.”

He hung up, got back in his car, and drove home.


End file.
